ViewTube

Hello Everyone!

I just wanted to write a short update about my recovery process in the hopes that it will be supportive for anyone else out there who’s going through a health challenge and who is concerned about me!

First, I want to let everyone know that this recovery process is likely going to be a long and slow one - so to everyone out there who’s on ANY kind of healing journey, I want to validate and acknowledge how frustrating, lonely, isolating, scary and challenging it can be to navigate something where we aren’t totally sure of what’s going to happen, where we don’t have total control and where it seems like progress is always two steps forward and one step back.

I feel you, I’m there too and it’s ok to be upset about that sometimes.

I’m currently eating as much as I possibly can while also limiting my movement as much as possible - and my body is still struggling to put on weight. Which is incredibly frustrating and down right scary some days I will be honest! As far as I know, based on all the OTHER things that are happening (the way I have been healing internally, getting energy back, getting better sleep, seeing improvements on so many other levels) tells me that right now my body seems to be prioritizing INTERNAL healing not only from major surgery (and also not really having the right amount of rest and recovery afterwards due to circumstances I was responsible for and had no control over) but also from 35 years of total trauma. My body was in a very stressed out state for many, many, many years, and while I was able to manage in a way that let me survive and be ‘ok’, it was still a LOT and this means that I have A LOT I need to recover from.

I want to validate this for everyone else too - sometimes what we have been through just isn’t simple to heal, and there isn’t a one step or one solution that’s going to fix everything - sometimes we are going to have to go through many phases of growth, uncovering, healing and process - and I KNOW that SUCKS. So please be kind to yourself and validate your feelings, while also knowing that you CAN and that you WILL figure it out one step at a time. Don’t give up on you!

I’m still nowhere near ‘normal’ or experiencing life the way normal people do. I still have very slow/poor motility due to my system being cut off from peristalsis for 35 years, I still have lots of hypermobility and weakness in joints, I still have lots of allergies and infections my body is working to heal due to the low motility and stress of having an organ not being able to function for 35 years - so in many ways I am still working with a lot of limitations and again, digging myself out of a pretty deep pit.

Thus, I don’t expect that I am going to recover and look normal any time soon.

Also from the research I’ve done, *most* of the people who have what I had - S.M.A.S and who get this surgery tend to take a few years to fully recover, and many of them don’t ever get to ‘normal’ in terms of function and weight - they just get BETTER. So again I am expecting that this is going to be a years-long process vs. a few months, and that I just have to be patient, keep eating as much as I can, keep resting and slowly building my strength back up - and just trusting the process.

Again, I know that I don’t have control over my weight and appearance and that I haven’t had that control really ever in my life. I know that the best I can do is just my best - and that I am going to have to navigate this unknown territory one step at a time, figuring things out as I go as there’s really no ‘map’ for this or even a guide for what to reasonably expect.

This is all new to me - and again to anyone else out there who is going through something similar - either with your health or just life in general - I want to encourage you - you CAN and you WILL figure it out, one step at a time. You are capable of this, and on the days when it’s really hard and scary just remind yourself that you’ve made it this far, so you can keep going. You can keep finding new steps. There’s always more to try. You’re not alone and this isn’t the end!

So thank you again for your support and care, and just know that I am being responsible, checking in with my doctors regularly, and doing everything in my power to support myself - and I hope that you are also doing the same for yourself, knowing that sometimes life is just complicated and that’s ok.

I love you, I see you, I’m in this with you - and we can do this! One step at a time.

I will be continuing with putting out content as usual, and again know that the forthcoming videos are going to look a little scary as they were all shot BEFORE I got my diagnosis and surgery! So if I look a little worse for the wear for the next few months, know that we are over THAT hump, that those videos are from the past, and that we are doing better than that now!

<3 

HELLO!!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am home safe and sound!

I am so excited to share the whole story with you - and that's what you're going to get in the video coming this Friday!

My lifetime of chronic illness.
How I managed despite having a serious undiagnosed medical condition
The story of my diagnosis and surgery
How all this ties into the self love path and why I am so passionate about this work and about YOU learning to love who and what you are, just as you are.

I am so excited to finally be able to share EVERYTHING and I hope that my story inspires you and encourages you that no matter what, you are ALWAYS worthy of love, compassion, being believed and being supported.

See you on Friday, and know that right here, right now, just as you are, you are worthy of every ounce of love you could ever want or need.

You are truly, truly enough.

<3 

Hello All!

Just wanting to let you know that I am day one post-op - and healing SO WELL!

I am making AMAZING progress because of how healthy I was (despite having a chronic, life long, massive illness that never got diagnosed) and I am likely going to be back home by Saturday at the latest!

I will be about one week from diagnosis through surgery to discharge!

This is TRULY a miraculous turn around, and again, I am SO excited to tell you all about it.

Thank you again for all of your love and support.

Keep being kind to yourself. I truly credit this Self Love work as being the reason I have been able to keep myself so well despite having such a serious health condition for my entire life, how I was able to advocate for myself, how I was able to live a full life even with the condition that I had, and how I was able to be a part of the change I want to see on the planet despite the fact that I was in chronic pain.

YOU ARE SO WORTHY OF LOVE my friend. At all times. In all phases, no matter what anyone thinks of you.

YOU know what's real, and you can learn to love and embrace all that you are.

Please keep showing up for yourself, you are worthy of it.

Always.

<3 

Hello PT People!

To anyone who's been concerned about my health and how I am looking in my videos:

First, thank you for your concern, and I totally understand the instinct to think that I must be struggling with an eating disorder or that my health must be failing. I fully validate that, and understand that that is likely what most people would assume looking at me.

What I want you to know is that this week, I finally received the definitive diagnosis of why I have been in so much pain my entire life. I have finally been given the answers for why eating has been so painful - and I have been given a perfectly clean bill of health with no signs of malnutrition despite my low weight, which was caused by a medication that had that unintended side effect - that actually LED to me finally getting diagnosed.

I have a structural abnormality that has been at the ROOT of essentially ALL my health issues - the chronic pain every time I eat, the chronic allergic reactions to food, the swelling, the chronic pain and discomfort I am in - and despite all of that, I have managed to nourish myself essentially PERFECTLY, that if that medication hadn't done what it had done, I likely would have gone on without being diagnosed for the rest of my life because I was managing my condition so well - while also running a business and being a fully functional human with a whole life - again which is pretty much UNHEARD of in people who have what I have! 

I am going to be going in for what I hope is a life altering medical intervention next week - and I will come out not this coming Friday but the following Friday with a whole video, describing everything - how I ended up where I am and how I got diagnosed, what I have, what treatment was and how I am expected to recover.

So please know that the rest of the videos that are coming out for the next six months are all PRE diagnosis and intervention, so while I don't look well - these are all from the past and things have been taken care of now! Finally! After 35 years of fighting for myself, I am finally getting answers and hopefully, this treatment is going to radically shift my entire experience.

I can't wait to tell you the story, because it is WILD. 

Thank you again for your concern, and I would appreciate your prayers for next week!

Sending you all so much love, I pray that this content continues to be of service, even though I know my body looks frail - I am really ok, and what matters to me MOST is that this message gets out there to those who need it - because that is why I am here - to serve in the best way that I can.

Please keep loving yourself, having compassion for you, and knowing you are worthy of love in every way possible.

<3

Ali