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Friends.. I'm starting to feel a bit better now. I would of recorded something today but im dealing with asthma flare up. 

It just hasn't been a good start of the new years. Everything went south and crashed very fast. 

Just as soon as i can talk with agitating a cough and flaring up my asthma ill start creating videos again. 

Its been a lot of tears for me. So much loss happening its hard to handle. 

And i know im not yet fully back. But im getting there, and distracting myself creating videos would help. 

I mean i didnt even get to enjoy my nee SUV. Didn't get to start anything i had planned all because life got turned upside down. 

But its time to start organizing myself back together. 

Ill let you all know when a nee video is out. 

-leo 

😭 It happened. Late last night my grandpa peacefully passed away. He was 90 years old. I have no more grand parents they have all passed on.  May he rest in peace.. love you grandpa. Miss you already. But you're in a better place now RIP! 

Stepping away, but i will be back. 

😔 Almost a year ago i believe, i shared a post about a husky named Sherpa. He and his owner has two channel here on youtube. Sherpa had unfortunately passed away.

Key is another husky who was sherpas best friend. And it crushed me to hear today that he too passed away this Monday. 

Both of these dogs and their channels got me through alot of depressed times during the years. And distracted me from my own life. Even though i never got to meet any of these sweet angels, they were a friend i could count on to bring me a smile. 

But I am just in tears now writing this. Because to me it feels like i suddenly lost 2 friends. I am happy they are both together now and resting in peace. It's still difficult knowing they aren't around anymore and there will be no more new videos of them. 

It didn't help that i was already feeling weak about my grandpa's situation. This made it worst on me. Im just grateful their owners decided to keep the channels up in their memory.  So at least  i can go back and remember them. 

Whenever i need to be strong and find a smile. 

Sorry everyone its been a roller coaster for me. But ill be here in the community posts occasionally. 

And don't anyone worry, once i regain my ground ill be back with new videos. This channel isn't going anywhere. 

For now your welcome to enjoy all the videos already live on the channel.

The death of friend or just someone who had s big impact in your life is never easy. And i know that soon when that call that i don't want about my grandpa comes its going to crush me even more. 

No matter how prepared you are it still hits you like a ton of bricks. 

If you'd like to get to know the huskies yourself feel free to visit their channel and support their owners.

Key's channel is "k'eyush the stun dog"
Its key the husky and his owner Jodie.

Sherpa's channel is "sherpa"
Its Sherpa the husky and his owner Jamie. 

Send them some love! And watch how these two friends will put a smile on your face too. 

I will see everyone later. Take care! 

-Leo 

😔 Just when i thought i was recovering, life challenges me again. 

My only living grandfather a person that has taught me so much and gave me values he was my friend and someone i could confide in and listen too.

He is on his last days with us. Currently in the hospital with hospice care. He is still conscious but barley has any power left to talk. 

I knew this time would eventually come. 

Please bear with me as im not well enough to make videos. 

But me and my family we are going to spend the last moments we still have him here together as a family. 

Its hard to see a family member who's made an impact in your life slowly fade away. 

And as much as i don't want him to leave i saw him on video (he lives in brazil) and its time for him to rest. He is in his mid 90s. And i rather see him in peace than to live in a struggle. 

I will be back. I just need some more time! 

Drones?? Haha im kidding. It was just a clear night. I saw so many Stars.. it wasn't even a red carpet event. 

Ok ill stop the jokes now. Haha 😁 

Sorry its been a while. But i made a shorts video for you all about an interesting up coming topic. Check it out and tell me what you think! 

I'm curious to know how many of you had noticed me actively displaying Autism symptoms
Without even knowing myself that i was doing it. Lol

2 things ivd talked about in the past is:

1. Repetitive repetition. You repeat things of high interest sometimes to the point of exhaustion.

Like replaying 1 single song over and over again till your head hurts. 

2. Hyperfocus. The one thing that sticks in your mind like glue and its the only thing you talk about so often it bugs every person around you.

Know what i mean??

Well, thats exactly what i had been doing and didn't realize it till now.  To show how sometimes even a person like me who is hyper self aware can still miss the signs right in front of me. Weird how it all works.

For example being stuck on the topic of relationships. Notice how i went a long while and couldn't leave that topic alone. 

This is my own proof here that i do indeed struggle with Autism.   

Many times i say i'm dropping a subject but i cant. My brain needs to run its course on that topic before it lets go. 

This is why i said i was creating lists for myself and what not. This way even if a thought comes to my mind i can just keep recentering myself. 

I just thought this was an interesting self observation so i wanted to share and show how sometimes just being myself I'm actively showing my Autistic self through my actions. 

And many times it seems like people don't see it. Or if they do no one ever says anything. And in certain occasions it would be a helpful thing to snap me out of it. 

Im trying to develop a free course and guide anyone can have if they want it that can help recognize things like this and how to help! 

👍 

Choose a topic you would be interested in: 

My Refocus plan to stop letting my autistic tendencies get the best of me. 

Im old school. Going back to writing things on my notepad. Pen and paper, nothing beats it for me. If i write it down the action of writing it relieves the stress of having that thought in my brain and also stops overthinking. 

Also it helps commit short term memory to long term memory. I can be forgetful if my short term memory is overloaded. So writing things down is a form of organization that makes me feel sharp and makes me feel good and confident. 

So going back to old school ways. Writing things down. I don't care about apps on a phone. 

Going back to writing out my to do lists. It's funny how for me looking at something written always encourages me to get it done.  As apposed to me forgetting it if i don't write it. 

Finding acceptance. And ignoring what i cant change. Why stress over things i cannot directly change and make it work for me? If i cant change it then I'll just accept it as is and move on. 

My heart has a way to keep fighting for somethings that it doesn't want to believe there is no answer for. And at times my heart is my own enemy. 

So ive put steps in place to keep myself aligned and in order. Even though my heart wants love and relationship. That isn't priority.  Ignore it, avoid it and refocus back to what is priority. 

My heart wants friendship. This wont help me in the near future. Avoid it and ignore it. Refocus back to what is priority. 

It's a technique i use which is numbing emotions. And letting logical brain step ahead of emotional brain. I will deprive myself of things that aren't priority and have no benefit to me at least in the near future. And on sometimes im shutting the door at and moving on im done. 

Priority is health. Im going to make my best efforts in waking up early to get in a light workout early on. Get to walking. Get outside for a bit of fresh air before the day starts. Going to make sure i have better adherence to my medicine. Sometimes i focus on work so much i forget the medicine. No, medicine will come before work starts. Fixing up my diet. My living conditions. Trying to spruce it up and spice it up a bit to elevate my spirit and have something to take pride in. 

Going back to many of my hobbies. And things i loved doing but stopped. 

Shedding anything that i associate with negativity, and finding positive replacements. 

I have and must work on fixing myself because i am broken. And I'm just held together by band-aides that can rip and fall apart at any moment. 

So, let me work on letting old wounds scab over and heal. Let them seal the wound up and stop the hurt. 

And let that give me the strength to keep moving forward and keep healing as i go. 

Maybe if i can change my ways to instead of repeating old habits like my Autistic side likes to i get it to focus on repeating new habits that will help me just maybe i can use my own struggle to my advantage and growth. 

There are certain things i just cant allow myself to go back too. At least until these things are done first. Priority items take precedence. 

Ill try to document some of these efforts for those of you out there that enjoy following my journeys and maybe learn from it. 

On of the biggest thing i need to do is also stop some people from forcing me to do things that are no a priority to me. Its my life not theirs.  I run my own show. Ill take advice and listen but if i don't implement its nothing personal it was just a decision i took as a grown adult. If they feel upset about well im sorry they feel that way but im not budging. 

I must make and stick to decisions i make. 

-leo 

I feel out of place. Like im in a world i don't belong in and this is why.  Check this out.

I dont know if its a flaw in me but i see everyone as a friend i just haven't met yet. This helps me be a bit more outgoing from other introverts when i chose to see people as a friend instead of a threat. 

But what I've noticed is that everyone i see as a potential friend, sees me as only a stranger. As someone they don't know so its better to be cautious stay away and be safe and not sorry. 

Thats why i can say hi, but usually the look i get from other is the "why are you talking to me" look. 

This is one reason why i feel out of place. I feel like i was meant to be born many many years ago when the world thought a little bit more like i did. 

Another reason is being cause of how i think. I compromise. Most of the work does not. I also prefer to chat over text before ever meeting someone and everyone else prefers skipping the chats and meeting on person. 

I agree to disagree and keep an open mind. And just because i disagree i don't let that cloud how i see the person im talking too. Meaning i can disagree and still buy you a drink after. 

The world around me makes it seem like the word disagreement is a bad nasty curse word. And disagreeing is almost like you insulting the other person. When in reality its not so serious. 

Same with compromise. The mentality of my way or the high way has firmly taken over recently. 

Or the saying "if your not with your against me and that makes you the enemy". No it doesn't. That just makes the person thinking that way the bully trying to shove their way down other peoples throat. 

The person i am today is often labeled as "weak" and rug that everyone steps all over. I've been told i lack strength and power. Lack confidence. And that im not leader. Im a beta. And the insults just keep getting worse from there. 

Last thing ill say is this. One thing i'm 1000% confident about is that many of these people would probably not have lasted as long as i have walking in my shoes. And still living to talk about it. I think this along makes me stronger than anyone could ever give me credit for. 

But this is why all together i feel like im out of place.  The insults i wont lie still sting a bit but they no longer cut deep like they used too. So even today with the negativity still ongoing i keep pushing forward and never stopping. Its just a way of proving how strong i am to very people who will never see it. 

I had people in the past tell me I'd never amount to anything i have far proven that to be wrong. I have people today still not believing i am starting a business and thinking i wont get further than i already have on this channel. 

It's a thankless world. And  sometimes this is why i don't say anything. I keep to myself and celebrate with myself. Because the world around me will only try to tear my victories down. 

Remember just because you feel you don't belong does not necessarily mean that you cant still live your best life. You just have to make adjustments. Thats all. 👍